What is Really Blocking Love for You
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Having known Kavi for quite some time, I always knew that she had a sense of understanding and depth that it takes in helping someone find love, find themselves in the process, heal and progress. I know with Kavi’s natural ability to listen and provide guidance she has and will continue to help many who may have found them selves lost in the process. I look forward towards following Kavi in this endeavor!
I remember our conversation from a few weeks back where you kept mentioning to me to take a look at my relationship with my parents. So glad to see this video-it gives me a bit more clarity of how to do this and how it helps to have deeper conversations with my folks.
Kavita Patel Reply:August 16th, 2012 at 2:35 am
Hi Laju, I am so glad to here this video grounded it! I would love to hear what clicked for you.
I definitely have always believed that we are our parents because I can see bits and pieces of my parents in my siblings. I never thought about how “being” my mom or dad could impact my relationships. This is really something for me to think about more deeply. Thank you!
Kavita Patel Reply:August 16th, 2012 at 2:34 am
Yes, it is pretty amazing when you start to see how your relationship to your parents is directly related to the romantic relationships in your life.
Everything about this is classy & beautiful. Love it.
Beautiful video. Great work Kavita!
Kavita Patel Reply:August 16th, 2012 at 2:33 am
I am friends with Belinda Rosenblum. She sent the link to your site. Would you be interested incoming on my radio show in September and talking about what your doing?
Wow, I have to say watching that video had my tearing up because I didn’t realize how our relationships with our parents affect our love relationships. Then it hit me, I realized why I can be so closed off, because neither of my parents were open with me. Like I didn’t know what they liked as kids, boyfriends/girlfriends, how they got together or anything. And I’ve tried to ask, yet they shut down. So what’s the best way to deal with that, because I have recreated it in my relationships and am slowly trying to let that go and let someone in.
Kavita Patel Reply:August 17th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
I don’t know the specifics of how you asked your parents, but a good approach to open them up is involve them in a problem you are having and have them help you fix it, and then ask the questions from that space. That is a good start. There is still more in terms of what your intentions are towards your parents, and when you are asking them questions do you have blame in the background towards them. Things to think about.
Great video! I agree with Kavita’s approach!
Kavita Patel Reply:August 17th, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I just wanted to thank you for your video – I watched it yesterday, and the idea that we repeat our parent’s relationship really resonated with me, and I found myself feeling a lot of sadness and then realized that I don’t really know my mother outside of her ‘mother’ role. So yesterday afternoon, I asked about her earlier relationships and was surprised that she shared (she NEVER shared personal stuff before) and I can feel my emotions about her begin to soften since now I can empathize with her pain and losses, and see with clarity how she has projected her pain onto me. It’s definitely a turning point in our relationship, and hopefully, as I can heal my relationship w/ her, I can also end the ‘suffering in silence’ that has been passed down among the women in our family. Thank you!
Kavita Patel Reply:August 17th, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Yuki thank you for sharing this personal story and for being in ACTION. I love Action! Yes it is amazing how much relief we can feel as our emotions soften with our parents. I am smiling and tearing as I read what you wrote. There are many more layers that will be uncovered, and learning how YOU want your life to look given this new perspective.
Ha! I love how this love work/and video is in total alignment with the personal work I’ve been doing releasing my unhealthy familial patterns that lead to self sabotage. So glad that you addressed deceased parents as my father passed away 6 years ago. Really worried about asking my
Mom any questions, because she has had some really crappy guys in her past and the one guy sbe still gets misty eyed about losing she won’t spill any details. Will explore the sharing of a dilemma but we don’t really have that type of a relationship per se.
Kavita Patel Reply:August 19th, 2012 at 12:33 am
Hi Cassandra, you don’t have to have that “type” of relationship now, it is about creating that. You need to begin to see her as being fully capable. The women that raised you doesn’t want you to be worried about her, she wants to worry about you. That is the mother child role. Hope that makes sense. When you begin to approach her this way things will shift. Try it out and report back:)
Thank you Kavita, this all makes sense but I have a problem.
My mom and dad are divorced and my mom is mentally ill, I have tried and tried over the years to get to know her but she is incapable of opening up and as for my father, I just do not know how to communicate with him, since I left an arranged marriage 20 years ago he just doesn’t think of me as his daughter anymore. I have struggled with him for 20 years and the fact that he worships his sons over his daughters doesn’t sit well with me. So basically I do not have a relationship with my mom or dad.
I need your help please.
Kavita Patel Reply:August 19th, 2012 at 2:10 am
Hi Hana, thank you for sharing your story. I can tell it has been really difficult for you, and it sounds like you have tried everything. I would need to understand more specifics around previous conversations that you have had with your father, however are you close with your mom’s parents or siblings? You may want to get some insight into who your mother is further through them. With your dad there seems to be a lot of past hurt to release. We need to do this first before you try to talk to him, again. The thing is many of us think we have tried everything, trust me I was there once, and honestly we have just tried the same thing over and over again. It is time to open up to taking a new approach. I promise it isn’t as impossible as it seems right now.
I really enjoyed the first video. It brought up issues I had feelings about but ones which I didn’t quite have a grasp. I plan to do the ” love work ” and look forward to the next video.
Dear Kavita, last week I wrote an essay about one of my ancestors and shared it (separately, my parents have been divorced for 45 years) with my parents. As a result, they both shared additional information about my family I never knew.
My mother has been really good about trying to listen when I speak and make space for me as an individual.When she praised me I thought it was less valuable because she “had” to say such things, she’s my mother. Having my Dad listen or have time for me was scarce and praise from him was even more scarce. So I valued the morsels from my father as gems.
The last few years my relationship with both of them has grown more intimate and I am truly starting to know them. Last Friday my dad told me that I am radiant (more than a few times). I don’t think he truly knows how nourishing it was for me. Our conversation was so loving and I truly felt heard by him.
This morning I got an email from my mom saying that she was so lucky to have given birth to one of her best friends and the warmth I felt wash over me as I read her words–well–I know to value the truth of what she is saying. I truly appreciate them both…and now even more so with your reminder.
I am exciting about the timing of your message and the recent healings in my life.
This is an interesting video and I look forward to learning more. One of my parents is an emotionally abusive alcoholic, of which I never had a relationship with that person. I’ve done the ground work & therapy to ensure I recognize the signs of an abusive relationship whether it be emotional, physical or substance. I’m looking forward to how your videos will provide guidance when there is a negative entity in your life that cannot be repaired. I also have a girlfriend who is adopted and has a strained relationship with her adoptive parents. She too is starting over in life. I’m looking to sharing this video with her. I’d like to learn more to bring true love into my life.
Kavita Patel Reply:August 21st, 2012 at 3:11 am
Hi Michelle, thank you for your comment. Yes it can be very difficult in a situation where one parent is abusive or has an addiction. There is more to try to understand about who they are, and why they have turned to an addiction to fill the void in their life. It sounds like you have done some good work around this. Therapy is definitely different than the methodologies that are used here. I would love to hear how what you learn here makes a shift for you in your life. Thank you for sharing the video. I really really appreciate your personal reveal!
So what’s a girl to do when she has a great relationship with her parents and when her parents have a great relationship with each other? They’ve been married for 44 years and are truly best friends. They are my biggest cheerleaders and my staunchest defenders. We are close, but not in that co-dependent must talk every day kinda way. You say “get to know your parents” and I do: I know how they met, about who each was dating when they met each other, about how they would deal with infidelity in their marriage, about their relationships with their parents, you name it. I consider myself very lucky to have the relationship I do with them. So that begs the question…
What’s to be mined from the perfect relationship for me to learn from?
Kavita Patel Reply:August 21st, 2012 at 7:10 pm
HI, GREAT question. Here are some of my assumptions in an effort to answer your question. Yes for you what is probably going on is that no romantic relationship stacks up to what you witness your parent’s relationship to be like. So, anytime you get involved with a man there is some reason why it just isn’t going to work. It can be totally legitimate, and some probably aren’t so legitimate. Your parent’s relationship is on a pedestal for you and it is very hard for any man to stack up. Also, there is probably a ton of pressure you are placing on yourself in your life in terms of what you admire about your parents. Very little credit you give to yourself. This is side effect to feeling the way you do about your parent’s individually. So, your work is in how to create a more realistic picture of what your parent’s are like and their relationship. I feel the SAME way as you, and it is amazing to me that to this day, the things I learn about them. Don’t discount this. Let me know if this helps.
Thanks, Kavita! That was really great feedback. It made me think that maybe I select unsuitable partners because I don’t believe I can achieve what my parents have. I’m kinda all or nothing with things (no good, I know but I’m working on it!) so perhaps I’m opting for the men that have no shot of giving me the relationship I want because I think I’ll never have it anyway so why even try? I also agree with your statement about creating a more realistic picture about them & their marriage. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. Therefore, I don’t have to be perfect and my relationships don’t have to line up with theirs perfectly. Good food for thought. Many thanks!
This video made me cry. My relationship with my parents has been a block for love in my life for as long as I can remember. I would like to do the “homework” right here in the comment box. I feel like I need witnesses as I embark on scaling this mountain. It’s the hardest thing I will ever do.
QUALITIES I LOVE
- Her curiosity. Her education. Her love of history. Her ability to relate compelling stories about the ancient Greeks.
- Her unconditional support in my entrepreneurial endeavours. She wants more than anything for me to be successful (I know this one’s about me and not about her).
- The way she will stand up for herself.
DRIVES ME CRAZY
- She is not good at listening.
- She will never say sorry or admit she has done something wrong.
- Her constant worry and fear mongering (watching too much news).
Thank you Kavita for creating this platform for healing. It’s much more than finding a mate.
Kavita Patel Reply:August 22nd, 2012 at 1:01 am
Hi Cammy, you are so very welcome! Thank you for honoring us by letting us witness this. This work will also blow up your business. I can feel it!
This was a great video. Lots of insights. I’m wondering if you have any more information about how to tell if the one you’re with is “the one?” It can be very difficult if things all seem to be going well but there is a nagging uncertainty about it. Thanks and good luck to everyone!